Absolutely everyone In His Loved ones Is Divorced. In A New Podcast, He Attempts To Keep away from Their Fate

Ian Coss is the only individual I know who writes his very own Xmas new

Ian Coss is the only individual I know who writes his very own Xmas new music. Possibly it started out as a lark. But Coss has stuck to the little bit for 15 yrs, producing and recording a new batch of holiday getaway tunes that he sends to spouse and children and close friends, unfailingly, each and every December.

That is to say: Ian Coss is the type of guy who commits. Even when the project would seem quixotic. Like hoping to figure out the secret to a happy relationship by interviewing anyone in your spouse and children who’s at any time been divorced.

That is just what Coss sets out to do in his new podcast, “Without end Is A Extensive Time.”

“My moms and dads experienced divorced and all of my parents siblings experienced divorced and some of my grandparents had divorced,” Coss claims, by way of clarification. “Some of my wonderful-grandparents experienced divorced.”

Coss is a musician, podcast producer and sound designer from Medford. (Total disclosure: I have acknowledged Coss for just about a 10 years — we labored jointly on a podcast years in the past.) Just lately, an e-mail from Coss landed in my inbox with the subject matter line: “An album & podcast about divorce” — a tantalizing hook, to say the minimum. Was this 5-part podcast some variety of elaborate divorce announcement?

“Which is a excellent promotional tactic, I guess,” Coss claims with a chuckle. “But I have gotten that response from a pair different individuals, where I stated that I was undertaking this project. And the to start with assumption you leap to is, ‘Oh, you need to be getting divorced.'”

Spoiler alert: Coss is not having divorced — he’s been married to his wife, Kelsey, for six a long time. But marriages in his spouse and children don’t are inclined to previous. And recently, he’s wondered if he’s doomed to repeat the spouse and children curse.

“I just…have this panic that relationships are just gonna hit a wall at some place,” he suggests. “That no make any difference how solid it is, how shut you are, how appropriate you are, that I will not be able to carry that with me in the long term, due to the fact, you know, so handful of persons in my family members have been in a position to.”

Ian Coss with his mothers and fathers and brother. (Courtesy Ian Coss)

In “For good Is A Prolonged Time,” Coss attempts to figure out why so numerous marriages in his spouse and children unsuccessful. His interviews with his divorced kin are intimate and incredibly candid. There is the aunt who admits she married her ex-partner for the reason that she preferred his family’s beach front dwelling. There is Coss’ father, who talks about his worry of repeating his own parents’ messy divorce. There’s his grandmother, a German Jewish Holocaust survivor who tried using to get her husband, Coss’ grandfather, to agree to an open up relationship prior to she left him. For her, divorce was a kind of liberation for the duration of an era when women’s lives had been far much more circumscribed. “Oh, god,” she claims. “Relationship actually doesn’t signify a detail to me.”

Coss also interviews his wife, Kelsey Tyssowski, who is astonishingly cool about the entire is-my-relationship-doomed-to-fail line of questioning. She listens patiently as her partner outlines his anxieties about their marriage, and deftly prods at the assumptions underpinning his fears.

When Coss wonders if he is “bound” to repeat the problems of his forebears, Tyssowski is skeptical. “The way you say ‘bound to’ will make it sound like you sense like it truly is your destiny, [that] you will do it, regardless of whether or not you step again and think about it,” she details out.

Ian Coss and his wife Kelsey and their dog hanging out on the front porch of their home. (Jesse Costa/WBUR)
Ian Coss and his wife Kelsey and their canine hanging out on the front porch of their property. (Jesse Costa/WBUR)

Regardless of its target on the failure of marriage, “Without end Is A Very long Time” is, at its coronary heart, a quest to find out what can make a relationship get the job done. If Coss can just figure out what went wrong in his family’s interactions, he can avert disaster in his individual. He can prevent agony, and generally truly feel safe in his selections. It is, in some perception, a lookup for certainty. Even although, Coss admits, practically nothing in interactions — absolutely nothing in everyday living, for that subject — is selected.

There is no ‘supposed to,'” he states. “There is no way to say for confident when when you require to do the job through individuals challenges, and when it is really time to connect with it quits. And which is just one of those decisions you have to make your self.

Each individual episode ends in an initial music, by Coss. In the initial episode, it is really a place-tinged acoustic amount termed “Come Back Later on.” “I can notify a lie/ Appropriate into your eye/ You can appear absent/ Conceal it with a smile,” Coss sings forlornly. “Would you do me the favor/ And remind me it’ll arrive again later?”

“Occur Again Afterwards” is a warning: not to let resentments establish up, or to permit thoughts go unsaid. Coss suggests he wrote it to remind himself that each individual fleeting experience will return — the uncertainties, but the joys, much too.